BLOOMIN' CAPTIONS HALL OF FAME
Examples of Funny Caption Favorites
Winner of "Orlando's Funny Anecdote Contest #10:
"Oh, you see the reason I couldn't make the meeting was because well.... you see this meteor came flying towards my car! And boy was it HUGE! So I flew out of my car and hid behind this really big trash can. I barely made it in time, I'm lucky I'm alive. As I stood there behind this trash can I thought "I need to get to this meeting" so I started to run (I only had like 5 blocks till I got to the building). I was almost there when suddenly I saw this little tiny mouse and it was soo cute so I bent down to move it out of the road, well just as I was picking it up it got to be this GIGANTIC thing and swallowed me whole. As I was in it's belly I noticed I had lost grip of my suitcase just as I turned and swam towards it, it floated into the giant mouses stomach acid and was melted away. So I decided that I should get out of the mouse before I got melted. So I crawled up his throat and tickled his uvula and he threw me up right on the floor then turned back into the little mouse he was when I first saw him. I grabbed my cell and was about to call you till this dunk hobo came and grabbed it from me and started beating me up while screaming "YOU STOLE MY CELL PHONE [hiccup] I'LL GET IT BACK" So that's why I couldn't call you to tell you I would be late. When I finally got to the building I ran inside and went in room 26. Which was the wrong room because there were little kids, once they saw me, they ran towards me in anger for messing up whatever they were doing and attacked me. By this time my shirt was off and I was dragging little Timmy along for the ride to room 62! Finally I was there and saw that no one was in there so I turned around and walked home and bought a new car (so I could get around you know). Now you may not believe me, but what I say is seriously true. You gotta trust me, I wasn't just hanging out and club or on a date or doing something stupid it was all that stuff that kept me from that meeting."
by ShellyHonorable Mentions: Well, Billy Boyd, Dominic Monaghan and I went for a walk. Billy Boyd hates Roller Coasters, so, well, we forced him to go on a roller coaster, you know the ones the only have one hill that's about 5 feet high? Well, Dominic and I were bored to death, when we felt a warm watery substance start to come back and make our pants wet. Well, we were about to complain, because they were expensive pants, man! Well, what the water was, it was Billy! He had wet his pants! We were only on an incline of 2 feet when he got really scared. Well, what happened next was scary. Dominic got all angry about his pants getting ruined that he started a fist fight with Billy! When I tried to break up the fight, Dominic took me a threw me half way across the room! It was scary! But then I got back up and went in... ready to kill Dominic! Billy and I teamed up on him and gave him a serious wedgie! He walked really funny for two weeks! But we got in trouble from the make-up artists because Dominic couldn't run very fast, he was hobbling! And one of the guys who plays a Ringwraith almost ran over him, so, as you can see, this expierience was life changing! It was serious, scary, funny, and wet!
by Bassetts
"Wow Jack! You weren't lying when you said you could shoot a button off of a dress at fifty yards."
by SasafrasHonorable Mentions:
Where will you be when your laxative starts working?
by Jen
Jack: We want the cursed Aztec gold!
Will: (about to burst into tears) Yeah! And tell him to give my teddy bear back too!
by Goats R Us
Black guy at bottom of picture: Have you ever tried lembas bread?
Orlando: Isn't that from Harry Potter?
by GoddessHonorable Mentions:
(It was Christmas time)
"Jingle bells, American's smell
All my friends are bums...
I am broke and out of work,
but it's ok cuz i live with mum!
by Annie"That's right Orlando... just keep laughing, and when nobody's looking, snatch the chinese man's toupe and RUN"
by Nim
JOHNNY "NO KNEES"
Determined paraplegic Johnny "No Knees", played by Orlando Bloom, desperately searches for others who suffer the same way he does. His cross-country trek eventually brings him to China, and he learns the teachings of a fellow crippled priest. Johnny must come to terms with his past, and at the same time realize that it doesn't matter to women whether or not you can stand up. This inspiring story will keep you on your toes (or knees rather ;), the entire time with its moving portrayals and bizarre love scenes.
by LaurieHonorable Mentions:
OEDIPUS RIDICULOUS
Young Curtis Tony (Orlando Bloom) wants more than anything to be cool and win the love of the prettiest girl in town, Bianca Paloma (Gabriella Messina). After a disastrous attempt to impress her, he runs into a man in a top hat calling himself, 'The Great Lizard' (Eddie Izzard). The Great Lizard promises Curtis that if he goes straight home and breaks the first thing he sees and promptly admits that he did it, his true love will see what a strong character he has and he'll be in. Haystacks, here we come. Curtis promptly goes home and breaks the trellis on the side of house. Unfortunately, the first person to arrive on the scene is Curtis's mother (Sigourney Weaver ). Curtis panics, believing that its some kind of twisted sign. His mother can't be his true love? How could this go so wrong? Furious and frustrated, he sets out to find the Great Lizard and give him hell. He catches up with the Great Lizard's red wagon and promptly lays into him. He stops, seeing the tears in the Great Lizard's eyes. Curtis is puzzled. The Great Lizard removes his hat and cloak, revealing him to be a her... Bianca Paloma. She confess to duping him in order to find out his true feelings for her. Curtis and Bianca hop in the wagon and ride off into the sunset, happy, in love, and feeling a little ridiculous.
by Girlie ClownTHE LOST CONTACT
Matthew Harrison (Orlando Bloom) is on a vigorous search for his lost contact, whose home relies in Matthew's left eye. His journey is long and treacherous through his southern farm home. Surviving cow stampedes, chicken attacks, and falling fences, Matthew proves he is a hero. He meets up with Lord He-who-must-not-be-named-because-his-name-is-too-long-and-hard-to-pronounce (Steve Gutenberg), who tells him a riddle which leads to the whereabouts of his contact. Can Matthew figure out Lord He-who-must-not-be-named-because-his-name-is-too-long-and-hard-to-pronounce's riddle and find his contact? Or will Lord He-who-must-not-be-named-because-his-name-is-too-long-and-hard-to-pronounce defeat Matthew and send him to a bitter drive to the pharmacy?
by Tigerlily Took
"Touch me like that again, Sparrow, and you won't have a swash left to buckle!"
by ClaudiaHonorable Mentions:
(a farting noise in the distance) "Now THAT'S what I call a warm, tropical breeze!"
by Limited Too Girl
"Good lord, so this is what they look like after a bad nap. Slightly reminds me of my father if he didn't get his morning tea."
by Jen
by LizHonorable Mentions:
Famous Bloom confused "I thought it was suppose to come back up." Not as easy as it looks.
by Chica BonitaAttention: Sloppy wrist actions results in limp yo-yo!
by JoJo
See my lovely silky shirt,
With cuffs a meter wide!
And notice how my socks reflect
The pillow by my side!
My legs are crossed to emphasize
The shortness of my slacks!
My mouth's agape to catch the flies
My fashion sense attracts!
Oh yes, I seem to dress as though
I'm loaded up on Scotch,
When all that's normal on me
Is my basic brown wristwatch...
But while it's true I'm often
The most offbeat in the room,
What else can you expect from one
Whose name's "Orlando Bloom"?
by Judy GerberHonorable Mentions:
My poor little sock,
was once so white.
But nature called
it was such a fright!
by DGES-fanThere once was an actor called Bloom,
Whose fashion sense only spelt doom.
His clothes were so loud,
He deafened the crowd,
And blinded the man in the moon!!
by Rachel FoxI asked Merry for some clothing
But he gave me something boringSo then to Pippin I did go
But all he had were socks of yellowBut still my shirt was rather dull
So with the horn of gondor I did callAnd Gandalf the Grey came to my aid
With markers in colors of many shadesThen I sat with Samwise Gamgee
And tried to make the shirt so prettyBut when all was finished and done
The shirt came out rather wrongSo then I knocked on Frodo’s door
To ask him for “One” little thing moreBut his ring he would not give me
So that I could be invisible on t.v.But all in all that’s quite all right
’Cuz underneath I’m still the prettiest, right?by Natasha
I am Leg-o’-Lamb
Lego man
Legolas of old
I wear frilly shirts,
Baggy pants
And colours oh so boldWith my yellow socks
And stupid shoes
I impress the ladies
With my graceful movesI am Leg-o’-Lamb
Lego man
Legolas of old
I wear frilly shirts,
Baggy pants
And colours oh so boldby Rachel
A shadow and a threat has been growing on my face...
by EvieHonorable Mentions:
It was alot easier to lift Dakota up to the mike...
by KateLittle does he know I switched his tie with Elton Johns!
by SiobhánSee? There's a little flap at the back where my hand goes in, then he talks, and I make this face, and don't move my lips at all.
by Rachel
Look! I'm Dumbo!!
by ZoeHonorable Mentions:
Is that Cher behind me? No wonder my hair is standing straight up.
by Alex
Maybe if I stare long enough I'll become SUPERMAN!!
by AshleyHonorable Mentions:
LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! It's just like Alice said! Everything IS backwards in the looking-glass world! SWITCHY NIPPLES!!!
by ElvyIs there anything in this world besides being really really really ridiculously good looking? I didn't think so.
by SamanthaI wonderrrr if Gimli has rrred chest hairrrr too?
by Karl
More Bloomin' Captions
Legolas singing to the tune of Abba's Dancing Queen:
I am the dancing queen, young and sweet, only three thousand two hundred and seventeeen
(Elven chorus: la la la)
Dancing Queen, tall and lean, the prettiest elf you've seen!
(Elven Chorus: la la la )
And I can dance! I can jive, living my immortal life . . .
oh oh whoa see my bow, watch the arrow, and die you foe!
(Elven Chorus: la la la)
*If they knew that this shirt only cost me three bucks, I wonder if they'd think of me as cheap or extremely down to earth and non-materialistic? Maybe if I tell them I'm not wearing underwear they'll just forget about the shirt altogether?*
They're calling me Armani Elf, girl? What, is this get-up too girly or something? Last time I checked, tights and silver frocks and long blond, braided hair was the DEFINITION of manliness!
I feel pretty
Oh so pretty
I feel pretty and witty and gay
And I pity
Any elf who isn't me todayI feel charming
Oh so charming
It's alarming how charming I feel
And so pretty
That I hardly can believe I'm realSo pretty! Yeah!